SYMPTOMS: Uncontrollable urges to stuff note papers in packets and files. Heart palpitations at the sight of gravestones and old trunks filled with letters. Bloodshot eyes from excessive microfilm exposure. Erratic speech patterns sprinkled with stories of pilgrims and princes. Cold sweat upon the arrival of the daily mail.

 TREATMENT: Medication is useless. Disease is not fatal but gets progressively worse. Patient should attend genealogy workshops, subscribe to historical magazines and be given a quiet corner of the house where they can be alone.

REMARKS: The unusual nature of this disease is, the sicker the patient gets, the more they enjoy it !